You've my apologies

I thought a few days about this and it's about time to tell everyone what's happening, why I'm inactive, why no new stuff is coming regular like before and so on.
I don't really know where to start nor what to say, because it's kinda complicated and I don't want to say too much.
All I can say is, that you are going to see another side of me today.

I think the most of you think, that I'm a dick, I don't care about anything and some stuff like that. That's mainly true but also kinda not.
Today, you are going to see another side of me.

One and a half week ago, a member of this forum asked me why I'm like that. Why I'm a dick to him, reply with short answers, don't talk about my life ect.
It's not easy to explain why I'm like that, but I'm going to try it as best as I can.
If you have an awful life, including getting disappointed, cheated and mainly desert because you gave your trust to the wrong people, you reach the absolute zero point anytime.
When you hit this point, you ask yourself questions like "Why am I even doing this anymore and for what am I doing this?" "Is that even worth it?" and so on.
You fell into depressions, anxious conditions and you have absolutely no clue how to survive this. You feel disappointed, lonely and broken.
And believe me, I've reached this point not once or twice, I've reached it a lot of times.
But reaching this point is actually a good thing. There's nothing which can bring you down even more. You can only build your way up again.
The only problem is, that it takes time. A lot of time. Not one or two days, a week or two. It takes months or even several years.

And sometimes, something is happening which you didn't expect. A good thing, which makes you happy, give you motivation and show you, that you and your life is worth something.
You're happy, you look up to it, you feel like your life's just perfect. Every morning, you wake up happy and go to sleep with a smiling on your face. Sounds awesome, right?
But what if this thing gets taken away from you again after all you've went trough? You can imagine how that feels.

I'm near the absolute zero point again, but haven't reached it yet. I don't have motivation for anything. I don't want to wake up in the morning, I can't sleep without having nightmares, I haven't eaten since saturday afternoon and I feel like a complete wreck.
I don't want to tell you exactly what happened in my life, because that's not important to you.

To end this, I need time for myself now. My life is currently more important. I'd work the whole day like before, but I just can't concentrate myself on things.
I will be around posting some things, replying here and there and answer private messages, but I won't work on new stuff at the moment.

Oh and to the guy who said "lol you have money, you can be happy and buy everything you want" - Money can't buy happiness. Atleast not for me.