You recognize your mistakes, and hopefully won't do stuff like that in the future. You didn't really 'fuck shit up' if he was the scum, although cheating does dampen a relationship. You're a good girl, I'm sure you'll find something better with someone else.
Idon't know what I wouldthink of myself if I did it in the future. I know that I messed up and really the 4th 5th and 6th times were just hopeless grabs at trying to find something again. I really hope that I find someone that can do for me again what he did. It was unique, and I could go on for ages about what I love about this guy, and how much he really meant to me and what losing him (6 times) did to me, but I could also go on about how much I hate him for other instances. We were both really messed up and fucked over the at-that-time relationship individually. Thank you, though. <3