Advice Needed I'm feeling like I want to kill myself randomly.

I"ve been through this multiple times through my early childhood, I've been abuse multiple times, to the point where I was scared of my dad. I loved him so much, I always wanted to play my favorite video games with him but he never did, "Maybe next time son." He lied continuously never did. Always at night, I would cry my self to sleep and ask, "Why is this happening, why is this happening to me!" Just think about it, there is someone who truly loves you out there. They may not show the expressions or say it. But someone actually does. Just keep on living and you'll get through it. People have attempted suicide and regret it. Just remember, suicide is a permanent thing, and once you cut the string, you can't go back.