Written Literature of Pain

This is a written literature of pain. This a perspective of my view. I wrote this because I have been in deep pain lately, and I know others feel the same way.




Written Literature of Pain:

I'm pissed at everything. The world. Myself. Everyone. I'm hurt beyond all repair and words cannot describe the amplitude of my feelings. I don't wish to be alive anymore, I've been pushed beyond my own boundaries. I'm pissed at how the world works, at how everything thinks, at how people revolve around other things. I'm pissed about how I mean nothing to this world, I am nothing but a speck of dust on this dirt and water filled planet. My existence means nothing, nothing real anyways. People may 'care' for me, but on a deeper level no one could give a single shit about how I feel, what I want, what I want for others, and what I want from others. No one, not even myself, can understand all of this fully. There is only one thing I want so desperately from this world and yet I have not and will not be able to get it nor find it. All I want in life is love, to be loved, and to receive love from someone, someone special who I can care for and be cared for by. People tell me not to be so eager for love at my age, being as I'm only 17 and "have my whole life ahead of me". I couldn't give a shit about that, no one understands just how I truly feel. I want it so bad, I can't describe my pain. I may only be 17 and still a kid in the eyes of those around me and the government, but I've figured out how the world works and how others think. No one can understand just how badly our entire system is, the worlds system, how the world works and how others work. I've grown beyond being able to believe in such a system, this is because in the entirety of the universe and the world, nothing matters. Not a single thing. Our life as humans? Meaningless. The other life on this planet? Meaningless. People believe that there is meaning, but there isn't, at least as far as I know, and as far as I believe. People look at me, judge me for who I am, what I look like, and how I act. It's caused me to overload, it hurts so, so terribly. As someone who believes in such a way as I do, I understand that no one, and nothing is as it seems. People are quick to judge everything about the entirety and existence of everyone else and everything else, simply by how it looks and reacts. No one looks into the bigger picture to see what any-one thing actually means or what it stands for. People often think of me for being nothing but a fat, sad, depressed, and lonely bastard who looks like a school shooter. People move away from me in the halls, in public, cross the street, and give me dirty and terrified looks. And for what? All because of how I look? No, fuck that. I'm beyond all repair from the damage others have caused to me, whether they know it or not. I hate myself for everything I am, every fiber of existence of my being. Words cannot truly describe how I feel. Nothing can. Not even emotion. My heart is so full of love and the want for love, yet my mind and soul are black with the pain and torture I've been through. I can't win at this game so-called life. There is nothing, and no one that can help me through it. I can't even help myself no matter how hard I try.


Thank you for reading this.

My best regards,
Spaceman.