I guess I have some experience with suicidal tendencies. I've been hospitalized for it. I'm bipolar and it really sucks. The treatment works but you blow up like a balloon and become almost zombie-like. I don't know. If you need someone to talk to, you can shoot me a DM. If it's serious, call a hotline but if you need someone to listen, I'd be willing because I know what it's like to feel alone with your thoughts. I've been there and it's not easy to get through. Please call a hotline if you're suicidal, though. Not all operators are great but if they suck, hang up and try again or ask for someone else. Stay strong.