Having an orgasm is, for most people, a normal part of sex. For others, however, orgasms can slip away due entirely to the way they are thinking during intercourse. So how can you ensure orgasms during sex, solely through your state of mind?
When it comes to sex, if we humans become too aware of what we’re doing, our sexual powers go haywire. Anytime we become overly conscious of the sexual process, we begin to lose our ability to perform. This particularly holds true for men who have difficulties having an erection. If they enter a sexual situation expecting to fail, they almost certainly will. The principle also holds true for a woman who has difficulty attaining an orgasm. If she tries too hard to climax, the effort only makes climaxing even more difficult.
This effect is called spectatoring. In this respect, sex resembles many sports where, if a player tries too hard to hit the ball or to get the ball into the basket, it just won’t work. The idea is to let your body take control while your mind relaxes. Under normal conditions, this method works fine, and both partners can have orgasms. But as soon as they are forced to become aware of the timing of their orgasms so they can reach them together, the couple becomes too conscious of the process and actually loses the control they may otherwise have, which is what makes simultaneous orgasms so elusive.
If you’re lucky, an experience like the simultaneous orgasm will happen by itself once in a while and provide some extra enjoyment. But if you try too hard, the odds are against it happening at all.
What’s great about sex is that it’s not a unique experience. If you have a so-so orgasm, you shouldn’t worry about it because you’ll have many opportunities to experience the myriad sensations that come from having an orgasm. On the other hand, if the intensity of an orgasm makes your toes curl, just enjoy the moment and don’t try to set it as a standard.
What can you do to heighten the experience? The best advice is to slow down. The more buildup, the better the odds that an orgasm will be more intense.
Never stop and look at the bedroom clock when having sex. If a woman takes a long time to climax, then she should be allowed to have all the time she needs. If she starts to feel rushed, then her likelihood of having an orgasm diminishes greatly.