Serious I want to die.

Seriously, just what do I do to see any point to life and contacting another human being? I don't see any and it's making me just want to end it all. School is also pressuring me, I can't study because of my memory being extremely bad, and I'm failing 7 classes to put the cherry on top of the cake.
Just what do I do?
I want to and don't want to die.
I already have a plan to do it in a few days.
Give me a reason, a meaning, don't tell me to contact someone or whatever, because I already take anti depressants (SSRI) and I go to apsychologist every week, and I'm always just being quiet when asked what the problem is, because my brain turns off, and nothing comes to mind.

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Is it too late? Am I too broken? Has the torture broken me too much to be able to talk about my problems? To be able to even remember what happened, yet it still affects me somehow? What's happening to me?

Mate, I have Severe Panic Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Depression and Cough Variant Asthma

I have attempted suicide 2 times in my life. Like you I took anti Depressants and had a therapist. Yet I felt so cold and lonely. During my school life, I saw no chance for me in the future. I was doing shit on every subject and had no motivation. I had friends but never thought anyone actually cared. May 16, 2015, I was ready to end it. Wrote a note to my parents and took a full pack of Xanax. My dad found me right away and took me to hospital. My parents were broken. We never had a good relationship but they were absolutely broken. Due to my actions my parents both got depression.Remember, youre here because a lady cared enough to bring you into this world. So embrace that, with both hands. People, I didn't even think that liked me from school came to visit me. They cared.Once you take your life, thats it. You have only one life. End it - and youre done. You will never, ever get a second chance.

2 years later. July 3rd. I was low again. Every day was a row of Panic attacks. I was sick of it. So I walked down to my closest supermarket parking lot. It was about 5 stories high. I was ready to jump. But I remembered my parents. All the memories, the laughs, the smiles the hugs. I remembered that it was take away night and that I loved take away. I remembered every little thing that brought me even the slightest bit of happiness. Chocolate, Music, Gaming, Pizza and my friends. I was so engrossed in my own problems I never looked outside the box. I know it's hard. I know how it feels to see no hope.

Life is meant to be lived.

Taking your life will not fix anything. It will only hurt those around you. There is always an option. Always. It must be terrible having memory problems as yourself. Don't let school pressure you. I was under the impression I had no hope of school too. For so long I just let it consume me and become my main worry. But one day I decided to talk to my teachers and really let them know my struggle. They carried me through. It was hard and shit but I did it. You can too.Killing yourself will NOT be a relief to the suffering. If you want relief from your suffering, you have to choose to live. You have to reach out and find the courage to make tomorrow better than today. Remember, there is light at the end of the tunnel. There is hope and things will get better. Youre a strong person for living and you give me hope.

I left school 2 years early. I took another road. I studied coding and started selling my work online through small jobs. Now I have a stable job and income. I'm not saying you do that but really talk to those around you and possibly look for other pathways. I understand talking to people is hard and that nothing comes to mind when you are asked what is wrong. All I ask of you is to try. Just tell them whatever you can in any way you can. I'm sure the message will get through. Hell, Show them your current post. I'm 100% sure you will get your message out then.



If you want someone to talk to. I'm here. Message me.

Try doing house chores for the next 4 hours and tell me if you feel the same way. Remember not to think about the chores as a remedy... just do the chores because there have to be done and you have to do them. If anyone seems to hectic for you, look for a technical way to approach/ do it....

Do this continuously for four day and then get back to me please.

Eccentreak.

Please DONT!

Tbh its a selfish way one of my friends did that to himself, and im still feeling an empty space whenever im thinking on him.
trust me, theres soo much joy in life!

keep up bud

I know school can be a pain, feeling alone constantly, not having anyone that understands you.
But think about your loved ones, your family..Your friends...They would miss you and feel bad for you, would you want them to go trough what you're going?
There's always light at the end of the tunnel bud, you should try doing something that distracts you from your everyday issues, play games..Sing, find new hobbies.
You are still young, you didn't live that much (Guessing 10-24 years old), you should do a plan for your life, maybe join the Military? Do something that you love brother.
Anyways dude, we are here for you. We can help you out.

15-03-2018, 03:38 PM

JeffTheKiIIer Wrote: Seriously, just what do I do to see any point to life and contacting another human being? I don't see any and it's making me just want to end it all. School is also pressuring me, I can't study because of my memory being extremely bad, and I'm failing 7 classes to put the cherry on top of the cake.
Just what do I do?
I want to and don't want to die.
I already have a plan to do it in a few days.
Give me a reason, a meaning, don't tell me to contact someone or whatever, because I already take anti depressants (SSRI) and I go to apsychologist every week, and I'm always just being quiet when asked what the problem is, because my brain turns off, and nothing comes to mind.

---

Is it too late? Am I too broken? Has the torture broken me too much to be able to talk about my problems? To be able to even remember what happened, yet it still affects me somehow? What's happening to me?

The biggest reason i don't want to die is because you really don't have any idea what happens when you die, odds are it is much worse than what you are going through at the moment.

You should not die and although I barely know you.. Everyone in this world has the potential to do great things, whether you believe it or not, see it or not. I love you my dude, stay strong.

15-03-2018, 03:38 PM

JeffTheKiIIer Wrote: Seriously, just what do I do to see any point to life and contacting another human being? I don't see any and it's making me just want to end it all. School is also pressuring me, I can't study because of my memory being extremely bad, and I'm failing 7 classes to put the cherry on top of the cake.
Just what do I do?
I want to and don't want to die.
I already have a plan to do it in a few days.
Give me a reason, a meaning, don't tell me to contact someone or whatever, because I already take anti depressants (SSRI) and I go to apsychologist every week, and I'm always just being quiet when asked what the problem is, because my brain turns off, and nothing comes to mind.

---

Is it too late? Am I too broken? Has the torture broken me too much to be able to talk about my problems? To be able to even remember what happened, yet it still affects me somehow? What's happening to me?

Either do it or don't. If you don't, grow up. If you do, you've taken the easy way out and no one can judge you for that. Just remember that no matter how terrible of a person you were, at least one person will grieve you. Also, stop taking anti-depressants most of them don't work and cause addiction on top. It's not even dealing with the problem and has questionable science behind it. I really just suggest living with it and getting someone who'll be by your side and stop you when the time comes. Dying is kinda painful, so don't do it. If you really wanna go, try strangulation with your hand first and you'll see how much more painful it is than life.

tl;dr: Do it or don't. It's your life, your choice.

27-03-2018, 02:47 PM

MandatoryAccount Wrote: Either do it or don't. If you don't, grow up. If you do, you've taken the easy way out and no one can judge you for that. Just remember that no matter how terrible of a person you were, at least one person will grieve you. Also, stop taking anti-depressants most of them don't work and cause addiction on top. It's not even dealing with the problem and has questionable science behind it. I really just suggest living with it and getting someone who'll be by your side and stop you when the time comes. Dying is kinda painful, so don't do it. If you really wanna go, try strangulation with your hand first and you'll see how much more painful it is than life.

tl;dr: Do it or don't. It's your life, your choice.

I completly agree with your statement man, was going to say something harsher but realized maybe OP is serious

27-03-2018, 05:23 PM

AlphaADC Wrote: I completly agree with your statement man, was going to say something harsher but realized maybe OP is serious

I am serious.

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27-03-2018, 02:47 PM

MandatoryAccount Wrote: Either do it or don't. If you don't, grow up. If you do, you've taken the easy way out and no one can judge you for that. Just remember that no matter how terrible of a person you were, at least one person will grieve you. Also, stop taking anti-depressants most of them don't work and cause addiction on top. It's not even dealing with the problem and has questionable science behind it. I really just suggest living with it and getting someone who'll be by your side and stop you when the time comes. Dying is kinda painful, so don't do it. If you really wanna go, try strangulation with your hand first and you'll see how much more painful it is than life.

tl;dr: Do it or don't. It's your life, your choice.

What the hell is growing up, and tell me, when will I be finally grown up?