Quick 9 line poem.

Simple enough to follow I hope.
If you think I'm talking about rocks, read it again.

Quote:Water damage. Dust carried by wind. Broken resistances.
The new cracks and smooth faces on the rock.
A sculpture formed over decades by


Esoteric processes of design. The carvers image
Practiced only by the forebearer.
Natural forces shaping forever,


Revealing granite atop a front of chiseled marble.
Windows of jade above yards of topaz. A vein of ruby beneath.
Eroded from years of experience.

Any feedback is appreciated, I'm still not fantastic with poetry and try to use as wide a variety of words as I can.
And I'm looking for feedback. What parts did you like? What parts can I improve? It's not a matter of "yeah i liked it" if you don't even understand what it's about (shouldn't be too hard to figure out with the last stanza.)

Any feedback is appreciated, I'm still not fantastic with poetry and try to use as wide a variety of words as I can.

04-03-2018, 06:05 PM

ren Wrote: Any feedback is appreciated, I'm still not fantastic with poetry and try to use as wide a variety of words as I can.

... Yeah. Leeching ass.
I got a few views but no responses. Cmon guys, I can't get any better if I don't know what to work on.

04-03-2018, 11:33 PM

Deadboy Wrote: ... Yeah. Leeching ass.
I got a few views but no responses. Cmon guys, I can't get any better if I don't know what to work on.

Deadboy Poems great dude sorry for the leecher's responses there always gonna agree wit you.
Anyway Add more metaphors and Stanza's right now I'd give it an 8.5/10

04-03-2018, 11:39 PM

MrPirate Wrote: Deadboy Poems great dude sorry for the leecher's responses there always gonna agree wit you.
Anyway Add more metaphors and Stanza's right now I'd give it an 8.5/10

Mmm, alright. Went with something short just taking some inspo from Astrophil and Stella. I'll see what I can cough up next time haha.

How long have you been writing poems? What type of poem is this?

I kind of like the overall message of the poem, but the middle section kindof throws me off for some reason.
Still, I think you did quite well with this one - make sure to share your next poems with us!

05-03-2018, 06:03 AM

YaBoyBlu Wrote: How long have you been writing poems? What type of poem is this?

I kind of like the overall message of the poem, but the middle section kindof throws me off for some reason.
Still, I think you did quite well with this one - make sure to share your next poems with us!

Some kind of more modern style with a blazon embedded in there because I felt like personifying the forces of nature and comparing it to the incomprehensible and often mistaken for the predestinatory effect of experience in our lives. I've been writing for a short while, I do take lots of inspiration from like everywhere haha. I need to read more poetry though.

... Yeah. Leeching ass.
I got a few views but no responses. Cmon guys, I can't get any better if I don't know what to work on 1231221

02-03-2018, 07:10 PM

Deadboy Wrote: Simple enough to follow I hope.
If you think I'm talking about rocks, read it again.


Any feedback is appreciated, I'm still not fantastic with poetry and try to use as wide a variety of words as I can.
And I'm looking for feedback. What parts did you like? What parts can I improve? It's not a matter of "yeah i liked it" if you don't even understand what it's about (shouldn't be too hard to figure out with the last stanza.)

you should continue to develop in this

I personally like longer poems with tons of emotion, but this was amazing as well.